The last few days I've been giving serious thought to moving into the frat house. But here's the thing...
I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO.
Just like I didn't want to go Summit; didn't want to go to college classes; didn't want to go to church; didn't want to go to work; didn't want to do nearly anything.
And yet I do, and need to, and will do so.
I recognize I need to get out of my comfort zone. Life will not improve at this rate, and nothing will change unless it is forced to.
Could I afford to live away from home? Yes, I probably could. I'd have to get real creative with my finances, and the thought of paying for school and having debt over my head terrifies me. School is the big thing hanging over my head; the thought of owing someone $50,000 really scares me. But then again, a friend of mine just bought a house, and I imagine that is freaking him out although he hides it very well.
I do not want to move into the frat house. It's not how I pictured my life going, and it's certainly not a "fun" thing to do. I'd much rather move in with Haueser and Joe, but there are other factors preventing me from doing that...not the least of which is that Joe stole my room. Seriously...
But there is something Jonathan told me that has been stuck in my head. To paraphrase, moving into the frat would be a great place for me to grow both in Christ and with others, teaching me not only how to better care for myself on my own, but how to relate to other people my age, and especially how to treat Christian women. And all those things are what I know I need. Just as how I came back from Summit with a desire to learn to cook, so I have the desire for all these other items too.
I do not want to end up living in the frat for the next 10 years with no ambition to move out and get my own place, content to just keep serving on the campus and living with a bunch of peeps. I have goals and dreams in life; marriage is one of them. But am I willing to live at the frat for a year or two before getting on my own feet? Sure, I guess.
Another part of me does not want to give certain people ("holy pricks") the satisfaction of having me live in the frat house. These are the same people who I'd rather not give the satisfaction of seeing me baptized in the Spirit. No kidding, if these people came up to me right after I was baptized and wanted to lay hands or give me a word, I'd either tell them to f*ck off if I was feeling nice, or I'd turn around and deck them if I was mad. I DO NOT LIKE THEM, and that is something God will have to change for me.
I do realize that those are very childish emotions, but I'm learning. Baby steps.
Other reasons why I do not want to live in the frat house...Well, first off, I'm not sure I could have a roomie. I know how I sleep, and as my friends can testify, I'm not easy to sleep in the same room with. Frequent nightmares, talks in sleep, occasional sleep walks, etc. Even if I don't remember them the next day does not mean they did not occur. Oh, the stories I could tell. So I'd have to go solo probably. (I imagine this is something God and I will have to work on when I get married)
Also, I am not at all crazy about living downtown. I barely feel safe walking the streets of Crystal at times. I can't imagine going out for a late night stroll downtown alone. Parking on the loop is better than parking behind the frat too, and yet I don't enjoy that. I enjoy it even less when it's below zero.
Also, and this was a big reason for me staying away from Christian universities, I am not cool with people going all holy and legalistic against me. If I want to listen to some U2 while playing a video game after working a 12 hour shift, don't you dare come in my room and tell me I should be listening to Hillsong United while reading my Bible! I will not put up with it. Period. Go be holy on someone else. You can encourage me, but the instance you start telling me how to live my life, we've got problems.
Ok, those are my biggest issues with moving into the frat. I'm trying my best to be partial and weigh the pros against the cons. I'm praying about it too, and hoping for a word from the Lord...beyond everyone from church coming up to me and saying it'd be good for me. That's advertising; not helpful.
I doubt there is some way I can snag Jelani's old room as a single; that'd be ideal. Cause I'd prefer to be upstairs with Cole and Ore and Chris and everyone, as opposed to tucked away in the basement...although down there I can listen to my music and play my games and movies without fear of disturbing or offending anyone!
So we will see. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks.