Aug 12, 2007

A quote from Bruce Shelley

Decided to finish Bruce L. Shelley's book on church history; blitzed through maybe 200 pages in an hour or so. An excellent read that book was, thanks Bruce for giving it to me. (Although it does get a little dry...say from 800 to 1600 AD.)

A quote really stuck out to me while reading though. The context doesn't matter; something to do with 19th century religious Liberalism or something. But this quote was so powerful I immediately wrote it down...on paper, no less!...and started dwelling on it.

"(Salvation) begins with the question 'What must I do to me saved?' But if the question means, 'How can I go to heaven when I die?' then it's a theoretical question. To be saved means to live a new life, to be saved from sin, selfishness, fear, and guilt."

The only true conversion point in my life that I've historically held on to was when I asked my mom, at the age of 4, "How can I go to heaven? I want to become a Christian."

Since that time, I've literally gone through a pattern of every few years doubting my salvation. No kidding, but I can list the times and places when I've gone through this. And near the end of each time of doubt, someone will always tell me just to rely on Scripture. It got to the point where I could "prove" my salvation using any numbers of Scripture; yet I didn't feel like I was living a redeemed and holy life. I had no relationship with God to speak of, and I certainly didn't "love Him because He first loved me."

So now I'm learning to walk in faith. I cannot point to a specific thing in my life...a place, an event...and say, "THAT is my salvation story." I do not even know now if I should be able to do so. It's suddenly unimportant to me. What's important to me is walking in faith, building an actual relationship with my Lord, and continuing in it. I want to learn to love and worship my Saviour.

"I'm ready...I'm ready for what's next."

Aug 9, 2007

Health and life update

Little bit of an update.

As many of your know, last Wednesday the 35W bridge fell down. I was half a block away, at my church's frathouse. I was reading a book and listening to music at the time so I didn't notice much, other than what I thought was someone from the worship team messing with the lights. I guess others heard a loud explosion and at least one person felt the house shake. Everyone ran outside a bit later and we tried to get as close to the crash as possible.

It was insane for a while. EVERYONE was trying to get as close as possible, and calling all their friends to tell them what had happened. I saw a firetruck literally stuck in stop and go traffic because of all the cars trying to get as close to the downed bridge as they could. Morons.

Thankfully, no one I know was hurt.

However, two days later, I started having ankle problems. I'm guessing it was from running around the area, climbing hills and barriers, etc. Who knows. Basically by Friday night I could hardly stand on it. Went to work on Saturday, was limping badly, got sent home early; later in the day I went to Cub Foods and was in sheer agony.

Sunday, my day off, I felt fine. Little sore, but fine. So I went to work on Monday. By the time I got off on Monday, it hurt to stand on my ankle, and I couldn't turn it inward at all. Any pressure...even an ice pack...hurt. So Tuesday I went to the doctor for x-rays and blood tests. They were unsure if it was an infection (my ankle, almost all the way up to my knee, was red and inflamed) or gout. Gout is a distinct possibility, as my dad has had it for years; although my diet does not consist of those things which normally bring on gout.

The blood test was funny. It was about 7pm, and I hadn't had anything to eat since 9 am, and very little too drink. The guy took two vials from me, and I immediately became very cold and sweaty, felt like throwing up. Some water and cold packs cooled me down, but I never fully recovered. I was running a fever the rest of the night. I was even sweating at Target getting my meds because the air conditioning was cranked too high. Took a little nap when I got home, but had such a bad headache and fever that I never really got any rest.

After praying for healing, decided for some odd reason to take a hot shower, not a cool one. Raised my body temperature to the point where I got dizzy and threw up. Then cooled myself down and felt fine. I'm thinking God was the one who gave me the crazy idea to heat my fever up and try to burn it out, so thank Him for that.

Went back to the doctor today for a follow-up. I'm supposed to take some gout medicine for the next 5 days, and if the redness persists or gets worse to go in for another visit. However, my ankle for the most part feels fine. It's this weird fever from the antibiotics shot they gave me that is killing me right now. I feel warm even though my actual body temp is hovering right at 97.

Been praying for healing throughout, and I believe God is definitely working. I already have the next two days off of work, so I can still rest my ankle like the doctor said to. Don't want to go put another 9 hours in at work and come home and not be able to stand on my ankle again.

All in all, a really weird situation, and one that I'll be able to put behind me soon. Cabin fever is already starting to set in...!