Jan 17, 2006

New Year's Realizations 1

Once again, imported from my myspace account:

Why must I constantly defend myself to others?

Was talking to this one girl at the new year's eve party...when she found out that the xbox everyone was playing with belonged to me, she asked me if I played games alot. I sorta danced around the question..."Yeah, I play some, although I do alot more...I mean, as a writer or journalism student, don't you have to be exposed to lots of different types of medium?" She kinda agreed with me because she's also an english student.

But that right there raises a big point. Why do I feel the need to defend my self and my actions to others? I know others have been asking me that question for a while now, too.
I enjoy video games. I am a gamer. I do not deny it. But why would I hide it from someone who seems attractive to me at that particular moment in time? Video games are hardly my life...I read too many books, watch too many movies, enjoy far too many different things for me to be exclusive to video games. And normally, video games is the thing that suffers the most. There just isn't enough hours in the night to do everything!

Do I need to apologize for who I am? It's not like I'm gonna quit playing video games or anything for a girl...I made that mistake with comics once, and I'm not going to make it again.
Ladies, listen: if you want your guy to do less of one particular thing, you had better provide an alternative that is just as interesting.

The above point really has nothing at all to do with videogames...It has more to do with why must I defend and explain myself about anything? Why am I, no matter what the subject or what the situation is, always prepared to explain and defend every little thing I do or say? Years of being defensive and having to defend many things from people who'd attack me or try to see my stumble must have taking it's toll...

Another realization: sleep is the enemy. All my life I have associated going to bed with giving something else up. This probably started way back when I would read a book before going to bed, and turning out the light would force me to stop reading. It's almost the same way now. There is just so much I want to do, that going to bed is almost like giving up. Might be why I'm a night owl. Plus things are so much calmer and cooler at night; less hustle and bustle.

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